Long Live the Hamster

On how I’m surviving ✨the horrors✨

For the last two months, I’ve been a hamster on a wheel—sprinting endlessly, guzzling air, and wondering why my little water bottle is bone dry. And my owner? A sticky-fingered 6-year-old shaking the cage and screaming, ‘Why isn’t it doing flips?!’

Professionally it’s been the busiest 2 months of the year, see hamster metaphor AND I I’ve also navigated the most devastating loss of my life. (I have a dead father, so that’s saying something.) Loss has a way of knocking you off the wheel entirely, forcing you to face the unbearable stillness. But somehow, I keep running, and running and running (but in real life, I can’t run, because of that stupid chronic illness mentioned in previous writings, we’ll get back to that at some point too)

And if personal loss wasn’t enough, we’ve all weathered the the US election and the impending doom that has since followed. Add to that the unique stress of The Holidays™️, and it’s no wonder I feel like a hamster on its last leg

It’s been a lot.

So here’s what I’m doing to survive:

1. Leaning into my role in The Commune

Every leftist I know dreams of the hypothetical commune: the meals, the bartering, the shared childcare— community care left and right.

But someone once reminded me that we don’t have to wait for the apocalypse to lean into those ideals. Right after the election they said to me “now is the time to lean into your role in The Commune more than ever before” with things ahead feeling so scary, and things behind being so painful I have been holding onto this sentiment tightly.

For me, that has looked like tending plants, cooking meals, and finding peace in the simple act of time with my people.

2. I am taking so many showers.

probably more than anyone should, those I love fear my skin may melt off but right now my skin is softer than a newborns.

Maybe it’s a touch of the OCD (not in the ‘I’m so OCD’ way but in the ‘100mg of Zoloft daily’ kind of way). But there’s something comforting about knowing that even if I feel like a dumpster fire, I smell like eucalyptus and citrus. Small victories, right?”

3. I am writing!

And then there’s this—writing. Despite having three IRL followers (Hi thank you for fulfilling your obligations to be my biggest fan) and one mystery subscriber (heyyy, thanks for being here!), I’m kind of loving this. Writing feels like tricking myself into self-care: it’s creative, cathartic, and just productive enough to silence the capitalist guilt.

My goal is to publish 2-3 times a week—not a New Year’s resolution, just a hope. I don’t believe in setting myself up for failure. The universe already does that for me

Despite it all—the busy, the grief, the endless hamster wheel—I’ve found comfort in these small rituals. Tending my little corner of the world, scrubbing myself clean of the day, and writing even though it might be what the kids call “cringy”.

This exhausting season feels like it may last forever, but regardless, I’m grateful for these tiny acts of survival.